What I Used To Be

I never used to be this person.

This anxiety filled, frustrated person.

I never used to want to punch through a wall or run my car into a bridge.

I never used to want to sleep away my life in order to escape the toxic memories of what you did to me.

I used to be independent.

I used to have dreams that floated with the clouds.

I used to imagine changing the world, now I’m lucky if I change my frown upside-down.

I used to be free.

Free from your hateful words

Free from your sabotage

Free from your guilt

Free from you.

Now I’m like a passenger on the Titanic. Not knowing where to find the lifeboats so I just watch the boat sink lower and lower.

I’m trapped, just waiting to drown in my sorrow and despair.

Shania Schmidt