Tinder is a dark and shameful place for singles everywhere. Well, mostly singles but we

will get to that later. All joking aside for those of you that are unaware of what Tinder is, Tinder is a dating app that lets you right swipe on someone that you like or left swipe if you’re

uninterested. If someone that you right swiped also right swipes you then it is a “match” and that allows you both to message each other. Messaging is where all the fun begins.

Tinder is mostly known as a “hook-up” dating app because pretty much 95% of the guys on their are just looking for sex and will straight up tell you that, very different to the services offered by the girlfriendactivationsystemreview.net, where stable relationships are made. That usually ends up with them sending you some questionable first messages.

From the times that I have used Tinder in the past I can say that I have gotten my fair share of uncomfortably awkward messages from guys.

I really would like to know what goes through a man’s head before he decides to send a message to a new match on Tinder. Because after getting messages like this one, I am not sure what would possess them to hit send. I will admit the message to the left is pretty humorous but still is a little out there. I will give him props for his honestly and guts though.

Not all of the messages I have received on Tinder are this light-hearted though. Some tip-toe on the border of creepy and uncomfortable. According to this article, there’s a ton of sites to buy and sell foot pics with ease.

I am not one of those girls either that shuts down every unwanted compliment or comment from a guy but there are some people that just take it too far. Like this guy for example, even though it is not at all vulgar, it’s just the pure cockiness of this asshole pissed me off. Like do you really think that you can get women to sleep with you purely because you won a national championship? Like seriously?

But not every guy on Tinder is a complete jerk. Some of them, especially on Ft Lauderdale listings, can actually be pretty clever. This is one of the best/most memorable messages I have ever received from when I used the app. I literally lol’d when I read it, I can remember the exact moment I got it. I was sitting in my Media History and Culture lecture, spacing off like usual when the notification popped up on my phone.

I opened it immediately to distract myself even more that I already was and instantly started laughing. Making everyone around me in my two hundred person lecture stare at me. I actually ended
up going on a date with the guy but he was less than charming in person.

There are also the nice guys. The ones that actually try to compliment a girl before they ask them to hook up or are actually interested in taking you on a date. These types aren’t as rare as you think but the majority of them turn out to be tools.

Other than the sweet and not so sweet messages their are the ones that are just plain random. Most guys ask you out for a cup of coffee or for a drink but this guy had something a little wilder in mind for a date.

Messaging only one of the many interesting aspects of the popular dating app Tinder. Check back in two weeks for an update on the men of Tinder.

The post Sex in Iowa City: Tinder Part 1-Messages appeared first on KRUI Radio.

The leader of the workshop, Tabitha Wiggins played Chance the Rapper and danced around the stage with a contagious smile, inviting attendees to join her up there. She looked at some of the workshop participants and asked “you don’t wanna dance?” as “No Problem” played in the background.

Although the workshop had an intense name, she seemed so carefree and happy. Maybe this surprised me because I felt nervous; I’ve had tons of negative experiences at workshops and settings like these where white liberals hijack the conversation for self-congratulatory purposes. She seemed like she was pretty confident, though. #goals.

She began the workshop by asking us to call her “Tab” since her mother calls her Tabitha when she’s in trouble. She clarified her pronouns and explained her position at the University of Iowa. At this school, she serves as the assistant director of equity and inclusion, and the project director of Being Black at Iowa.

Tab introduced the content of the workshop by explaining the importance of working together to dismantle oppressive institutions and narratives because “I can’t be free until you are free. Our liberation is interconnected.” Then she explained the main subject we’d discuss today: the ally-industrial complex.

After she discussed the commodification of social justice movements, Tab explained the important difference between an ally and an accomplice. An ally has become someone who only superficially oppose certain issues of injustice, and seek to become the heroes of the oppressed.

For allies, struggle becomes a commodity on which they can profit somehow where “allyship is a currency.” Tab brilliantly articulated, “an ally is disembodied from any real mutual understanding of support.” However, an accomplice works together with people at their sides without seeking additional “cookies.” Accomplices become complicit in the struggle without dehumanizing the people who suffer.

Before she proceeded, Tab explained that she found most of the content and framing for her workshop based on an article by an indigenous woman who did not disclose her name.

The rest of the workshop reminded me of a really substantive, illuminating and radical Buzzfeed article (which is arguably the opposite of everything Buzzfeed). Tab began to categorize the kinds of allies.

Salvation/Missionary Ally

This kind of ally has romanticized notions of oppression, and treats oppressed people like victims and tokens instead of humans. They engage in things like exoticization, whitesplaining/mansplaining/etc., and other microaggressive (sometimes macroaggressive) commentary.

Exploitive/Co-opting Ally

These kinds of people seek to impose their own agenda through acts of condescension. They attend rallies and attempt to change the focus from the group’s work to their own personal projects and their own sadness about systemic racism or something. This ally truly engages in another form of liberalism.

Self-proclaiming/Confessional Ally

This ally is mostly concerned about getting “ally points” or as Tab calls them, cookies. They have no intention of actually abolishing entitlement. Tab says that “anti-oppression values are like drapes in their home.”

Parachuter Ally

These people/organizations rush to the front lines of sexy movements to stay trendy and relevant. They essentially serve as missionaries with more funding, and often overlap with the savior ally. They engage in structural patronization.

Academic and Intellectual Ally

These kinds of people remind me a lot of myself a while ago (and sometimes still today). These allies use a lot of academic jargon and big words to talk about issues. They use knowledge and skills to patronize people who may not use complex language to talk about oppression. Academics are “fixated on unlearning oppression” instead of dismantling it. An academic ACCOMPLICE would use their resources and betray the institutions they previously belonged to.

Gatekeeper Ally

Gatekeepers seek to have power over others instead of with other people. They want powerful positions within organizations and make the work about their own resume-building and ego. They are known for withholding information and they have a tendency to create a dependency on themselves, such that a movement or organization lives and dies with them.

Navigator/Floater Ally

These allies familiarize themselves with the jargon and language surrounding anti-oppression, but have no meaningful dialogue about lived experiences and people who suffer from these systems. Other peoples’ oppression becomes their own personal projects. They fail to take responsibility for their own actions and are quick to be authoritarian figures about other peoples’ privilege. They dismiss confrontation and fail to see flaws in their own work.

After explaining a type of ally, Tab gave the participants some time to speak to their neighbors about experiences with these kinds of people and ways to intervene. She took a few minutes to ask people to share with the large group. The format of the workshop allowed the audience time to think for themselves and also connect with people around them.

Out of about 30 participants, only about a third were non-white passing people of color. I always feel a little disappointed when I find myself surrounded by mostly white people in a setting like that, but I have to remind myself of two things: I live in Iowa City, and white people will probably benefit from work like that.

Tab ended the workshop with ways to become an anti-colonial accomplice, but also reminded us that “no matter how free you are, we occupy indigenous land and we are still colonizers.”

Finally, Tab asked us to repeat after her as she chanted the famous Assata Shakur quote:

For more information on the ally-industrial complex, read the article from which Tab found her inspiration.

The post Witching Hour: You Ain’t Gettin’ No Cookies for Doing What Is Racially Just @ The Englert 11/5/16 appeared first on KRUI Radio.

This month’s featured artist wrote my favorite poetry book “salt.” and describes the piece as a “journey through warmth and sharpness.” The book discusses a wide array of issues ranging from the diaspora to colonialism to misogyny, which conveys the fierce interconnectedness of identities. Painful and poignant, raging and gentle, Nayyirah Waheed encourages self-examination, gives readers reason to be critical, and leaves them with hopeful words that keep us pondering the complexity and depth of her writing.

The US-based artist began writing at age 11. As a self-identified “quiet poet,” the internet offers little information on her background and childhood, which conveys something about Waheed’s personality. In one poem, she writes “listen to my poems./but/do not look for me./look for you.” In another, she positions herself “a bridge” between “what you may feel but cannot say.” She doesn’t seem to seek fame or attention; Waheed simply shares.

Endlessly.

Since she has shared little information about herself, and I’m not even sure what she looks like, I’d like to share how her words help my decolonization.

The poem on above forced me to consider the psychic and physical violence that I have inflicted on my body since childhood. From internalized eurocentric beauty standards to self-harm, I constantly brutalize myself and the image of myself. Mentally and physically we damage ourselves in order to conform to an idea of physical beauty imposed upon us through brainwashing and colonization. Waheed softly but powerfully suggests a starting point to be gentler towards ourselves: an apology.

Her emphasis on self-compassion and love, while seemingly simple, revolutionizes the way many societies in our world dictate the way we treat ourselves. In the poem on the right, Waheed writes of the potential of self-love, and the weight of its absence on her mental health.

At some point, I just began copying down parts from the book in my own diary to consult on bad days.

Aside from self-love, I appreciate her theme of strength, especially woman-strength in her poetry. She often writes about the resilience built through her experiences as an immigrant in the USA, as a woman embedded in capitalist patriarchy, as a black woman in institutions of systematic racism. Waheed writes about the energy necessary to bloom in a toxic environment, and appreciates her own power.

These themes represent only a few of the many issues Waheed writes about in “salt.” Although the poems are mostly short and the book has fewer than 200 pages, I took my time in reading each page to absorb every deliberate word; I still haven’t fully processed each poem. I will continue decolonizing as I re-read her book and recite her gentle words to myself each day.

“salt.” is available for purchase on Amazon, but thankfully, many of her readers have photographed pages of her book or posted quotes on the Internet. Googling her name yields many search results which display her poetry, if you’re interested in reading more.

Nayyirah Waheed has active profiles on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr, and her own website. She shares pieces of her work and showcases other artists who decolonize our minds.

The idea of “decolonizing our minds” is discussed in the writings of the author, feminist and social activist bell hooks. She encourages us to critically examine every thought and action, free ourselves from the coercive ideologies, and overcome the impacts of structural oppression. This bimonthly column will analyze spaces and times where and when we can pause and make strides in this arduous process, and also highlight figures who are helping us to decolonize ourselves. 

The post Decolonize Your Mind: Read Nayyirah Waheed appeared first on KRUI Radio.

Lately, I’ve seen many social media posts by women making a permutation of the same general status:

“Today, a man called me beautiful instead of yelling something crass from across the street. I’m grateful he was polite and not rude. This is the proper way to approach/compliment a woman.”

Initially, I too felt happy that some men had begun to learn how to behave better, but the more I considered the meaning of catcalling, I realized nothing has changed.

Just because he uses the words “beautiful” or “gorgeous” doesn’t mean he isn’t catcalling. The words he uses don’t change the fact that he feels he has the authority, the power, the responsibility to comment on your appearance.

I wonder if this is a misconception stemming from the presentation of catcalling, and its problems. Yes, it’s gross when a creep yells “nice ass” as he drives by. Of course, it’s disgusting when a man yells at you to smile and makes kissy noises at you from across the street. It’s ATROCIOUS when those men drunkenly whistle at you and your friends as you’re walking home for the night. But the words themselves do not dictate whether or not he’s catcalling you; the fact that he said anything at all does.

Perhaps people are right; maybe catcalling less awful when a man says “pardon me,” or “you’re stunning” or other less crass things. However, the root issue remains: the unsolicited feedback regarding your physical appearance. Women are always-already sexual objects in the male gaze, and this objectification manifests in many ways, including these vocalizations. As women, we are (unfairly) placed into two categories: fuckable and unfuckable. Men, crassly or gracefully, verbalize these thoughts as we walk by them, clenching our keys in the classic Wolverine fashion.

Honestly, it feels like as women, we are giving men a way out! Sure, you can say things at me on the street as long as you speak at a certain volume and choose certain words. Don’t let men off that easily! Don’t let them encroach on your body with a higher level of vocabulary and charming demeanor! THEY’RE STILL CATCALLING. I’ve always got a loud “fuck off” in my back pocket for these occasions, but this isn’t always the safest option.

Even the men who say “gorgeous” and “stunning” can become violent in the case of rejection or evasion. I’ve heard many stories from my women friends about creepy men accosting them to compliment them “politely,” and then following them for blocks down the street, sometimes even to their homes.

The danger remains for victims of street harassment even if the man speaks softly, dresses nicely, uses less crass language and isn’t drunk. The dangers of this misogynistic, authoritarian ideology threaten women in public places; men surveil, police and prey upon women’s bodies.

Think critically about why that handsome man in a tuxedo felt the “need” to approach you and “compliment” your body. While protesting these instances is not always possible or safe, we can decolonize ourselves and each other by examining these interactions and recognizing exploitation and manipulation of women.

The idea of “decolonizing our minds” comes from writings of the author, feminist and social activist bell hooks. She encourages us to critically examine every thought and action, free ourselves from the coercive ideologies, and overcome the impacts of structural oppression. This bimonthly column will analyze spaces and times where and when we can pause and make strides in this arduous process, and also highlight figures who are helping us to decolonize ourselves. 

The post Decolonize Your Mind: Polite Catcalling Is Still Catcalling! appeared first on KRUI Radio.

Dear Donald Trump (or Drumpf, or whatever your name is),

As the campaign goes on, and more of my Facebook friends publicize their support for you, I find myself wanting to thank you.

As more and more people reveal their prejudices that you have publicly condoned, and my white friends express shock at the bigotry they hear, I am so, so grateful for your campaign.

As you isolate yourself from various demographics (Mexicans, Muslims, women, disabled people, POWs, Asians, black people, and many more), you affirm the words of oppressed people everywhere.

Finally, no one can deny that racism, ethnocentrism, ableism, and other forms of discrimination fester in this country, and affect millions of people every day. When you go on TV and propose a ban on Muslim people from entering this country, no one with a satellite or wi-fi connection can deny that people have prejudices against the religion of Islam and its participants. This extends to all other groups your words attack.

People keep repeating this phrase about how you say what others feel too afraid to say, and further, what other politicians won’t say. And they’re right. White people have thought the things that you’re saying out loud for years! You didn’t invent racism, Donald! You aren’t the sole cause of oppression in this country! You’ve just facilitated its growth and encouraged others to engage in hateful speech! Now that you’ve got a huge platform and lots of support, white people can be openly fucked up. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU for concretizing the issues I discuss in my column and show. THANK YOU for making people everywhere realize how bigotry thrives and is encouraged in AmeriKKKa. THANK YOU for affirming my experiences and making me feel like I’m not crazy when I discuss discrimination. Thanks to you, I know I’m right!

Furthermore, there are certain assumptions I can make about someone who supports your campaign. Either they agree with your bigoted remarks, or they’re willing to ignore them which means they don’t understand the gravity behind your statements. Either way, you’ve made it simple to decide whether or not I will get along with a stranger. Like hair gel.

Politicians used to hide behind words like “heritage” and “history” and “freedom of speech” and “states rights.” Now that you’ve spouted off all the awful comments about almost every demographic, they can’t hide behind such bullshit anymore. They have to face their own prejudices they’ve worked so hard to mask.

Blatant discrimination has reared its ugly, orange, toupee-wearing head. Your ugly words have stripped the veneer of so-called “political correctness” so people can be openly prejudiced. As white people everywhere gasped, oppressed people angrily pointed their fingers at the TV and yelled “SEE?!”

So thank you, Donald. You’ve confirmed that we’ve got a lot of work to do in this country.

The idea of “decolonizing our minds” is highlighted in the writings of the author, feminist and social activist Bell Hooks. She encourages us to critically examine every thought and action, free ourselves from the coercive ideologies, and overcome the impacts of structural oppression. This bimonthly column will analyze spaces and times where and when we can pause and make strides in this arduous process, and also highlight figures who are helping us to decolonize ourselves. 

The post Decolonize Your Mind: Thank you, Donald Trump appeared first on KRUI Radio.

With autumn here and winter right around the corner, girls are starting to bring out their pants. In particular, their leggings. Wearing these, however, does not give any guy a reason to catcall a girl.

There are several reasons we, as women, wear leggings. We can dress them up or down, they’re super comfortable, and they go with anything. Because they’re becoming more popular, they come in different colors, lengths, and materials. Some girls wear them to workout in while some wear them to go to interviews. We don’t wear them to impress guys. In the morning, I don’t think to myself, “I’m going to wear leggings today so a guy will notice my bum.”

Wearing leggings, or any tight clothing, does not give men the right to catcall women whether it’s on the street or in class or at work. Contrary to popular belief, catcalling is not considered flirty or flattering. Girls find it very disrespectful. I don’t know why guys ever began whistling and shouting at girls on the street, because it is not something we enjoy.

When I’m walking on campus, I don’t want guys to whistle at me as I pass by. I don’t want them to the turn around and break their necks just to get a longer look at me. I don’t want them to tell me that I need to smile more when they “compliment” me. It is not a compliment that I’m getting. It’s something that has made walking alone super uncomfortable. When I walk to class, or to a bus stop, or back to my dorm, or anywhere, I should not have to feel self-conscious about what I’m wearing because of what guys are saying. I shouldn’t have to worry about catcalls.

An organization that is aimed towards stopping catcalling has done surveys on the amount of times women get catcalled. Not surprisingly, 99% said that they had been harassed on the street at some point. This is not something women look forward to. We don’t feel flattered by this type of recognition.

With women bringing out some of their tighter clothing, please remember that catcalling is not something anyone should ever do. We don’t enjoy feeling uncomfortable in what we’re wearing.

The post Reasons for the Resting Bitch Face: Catcalls appeared first on KRUI Radio.