The Entries 

October 6, 2015
11:32 PM

My pillow collects my dreams. And sometimes at the end of a long day, I drop my head on my bed, and they puff up into the air like fairy dust, floating over my eyelids. Some seep into my hair, making my brain smell like vanilla orchids. Or the nightmares that taste like blood in the back of my throat, my eyes scrunching tighter. I turn, facedown into the feathers, and scream.

November 12, 2015
4:43 AM

In Which 36 MPH Winds Are Insomnia

You’re the high winds crashing against my bedroom windows. Rattling the branches of trees, and dominating the air at speeds that unsettle me. I know it’s hard for you to be tame, for sweeping things off their feet is all you’ve ever known. I know you are no match for my windows, nor my walls, and yet it is hard to breathe. But I’m trying to sleep. I’m trying to sleep. And yet it is hard to breathe.

I think much differently when I can’t sleep. My mind bends in ways that create melodies—only these are not lullabies. These are not songs I want to fall asleep to. They resemble broken sheet music that wedges you between every bar. You’re just a space heater for the cold spots, manifesting in places that are usual warmth when I’m fully awake. That’s the only reason you exist in the wind.

November 24, 2015
4:50 AM

I no longer communicate with people directly, because everything is filtered through this warped mass of dark rain. The cold shatters the inside of my skin, and pierces my inner walls like acid. It’s erupted in size—a tropical depression building and building into a roaring storm that tells me everything I need to know about love. What I deserve. What I don’t. And it’s scary, the way I find this stuff out. Something I may never know is how to start over, how to keep these warm waters calm, and from collecting in a war against me. Where do I start? How do I make up for lost time? The chemicals that are charged like lightning between our chests are hard to ignore.

But all the mistakes run through my veins like blood, and there’s nothing I can do about that. I’m not allowed to interpret for myself how your hand feels on my cheek, when there’s a storm brewing in my own eyes. But I’m also afraid you can see the dense clouds circling within me. And you will stand far enough away to watch the hurricane take siege over my body, as it’s already done to my mind. There’s nothing harder than trying to mingle with another’s soul while your own is tangled up in the winds.

Last month’s column: Love poems that includes every season. Read “Love Like the Seasons, Love Like the Colors” here.

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I simply saw the title of Okay Kaya’s “I’m Stupid But I Love You” and my stomach lurched. The title honestly explains the foolishness in falling into unrequited love. A listen and a read of the lyrics of this week’s Track of the Week, left me feeling incredibly connected with her sweet song of heartbreak.

As a fairly new artist based in New York, with Norwegian origins, Okay Kaya has been featured on a number of websites for the waves she’s making in music news. She has a few singles that have made it to Youtube, including “Clenched Teeth” and “Damn, Gravity” in which Okay Kaya serenades us about heartache, much like “I’m Stupid But I Love You.”

This somber track begins with piano chords that resonate and pair well with Okay Kaya’s high and sweet voice.

The song is instrumentally calming and creates a sad atmosphere that perfects the lyrics. This simplicity settles in the background and provides an important position for the lyrics at the forefront.

Okay Kaya poetically discusses the popular topic of heartbreak in an honest way that bares her soul and its insecurities. This lyrical poetry allows for a relation between Okay Kaya and the listener, including myself.

The lyrics (some of which are italicized above) are relevant for nearly everyone at one point, if not multiple, in their lives.

She somehow captures the sinking feeling of unrequited love that honestly tears open those old wounds without being overly sweet. It is my assumption that nearly everyone feels the same punch in the gut, heart, or whichever symbolically hurts the most after hearing this authentic track.

Check out the innovative video for Okay Kaya’s “I’m Stupid But I Love You”:

Main feature photo via: NME.com

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