So what happens when the season rolls around and you actually do have someone in your life? And especially what do you do when you’re actually taking them home for the first time?? Well, lucky for you, I’ve found myself in that exact predicament this year, so I’ve had a bit of time to reflect on the situation and have compiled my checklist for surviving the season.

First order of business: Get your story straight.

I can guarantee every person you introduce your significant other to will want to know the lovey-dovey story about how you met. Every. Single. One. If you have some cute or mundane story about how you met, this really isn’t an issue. But what if you met while the two of you were both drunk off your ass downtown, or what if you don’t remember the first time you met, or even more scandalously, what if you met on Tinder? (*Cough, cough.*) This virtual girlfriend app can offer a level of privacy and control if you’re concerned about privacy or reluctant to share personal information or feelings with real people.

While your family members are staring at you with that starry look in their eyes waiting for every little gory detail, you can’t panic. Like I said before: they can smell fear. On the car ride or plane ride home the two of you have to nail down exactly what story you’re going to tell, and you have to be on the same page for every single detail. Leaving it at a vague “oh, we met through friends” isn’t going to cut it. TRUST ME.

Next: Establish your territory.

Even if you’re a *genuine adult* with your own apartment that your significant other sleeps over at on the regular, chances are your parents will be wary about you staying in the same bedroom, let alone the same bed (especially if they’re Catholic.) It’s just a parent thing; you can’t hold it against them, they truly mean well.

You’re their baby after all, and all your parents are probably going to hear when you say “hey, is it okay if (insert bae’s name here) stays in my room with me?” is that their baby is going to be getting freaky with the dude or lady they just welcomed into their home for the first time. When in actuality, it’s more of a case of “yo it gets really cold in the basement and I rather not make them sleep alone on a couch when there’s a high chance they’ll wake up with our cat sniffing their face in the middle of the night.”

You might have to be firm with them, and remind them that since your baby brother’s room is DIRECTLY above your room nothing other than sleep will be happening, but hopefully they’ll cave.

Final step: Prepare them.

If you’re a better girlfriend/boyfriend than I am, you probably won’t find the entertainment value in throwing your love into the family fray unprepared just to see how they handle it. (I know, I’m the worst, but honestly it might be kind of funny). My family is what I would describe as aggressively nice, you know the type of people who will smother you with hugs, food, booze, and leave your cheeks sore from all the photo ops, so I’m really not too concerned for my boyfriend’s wellbeing.

However, if you don’t completely want to throw your love to the wolves, it would probably be crucial to the health of your relationship to prepare them for the next few days. Let them know who not to get into politics with, which sports teams not to talk shit about, and other sort of topics that usually lead to family rifts. “Babe, no matter what my uncle says, DO NOT pull his finger. Don’t fall for it. I beg you.”

Hopefully this helps at least a little bit. Good luck to all you love birds out there, I wish you the best.

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Alison Bechdel gave Iowa City the pleasure of her presence at The Englert Theatre last night for Mission Creek 2016. Her lecture was poignant, tender, and intimate. Her fans, the full theater, brought as much emotion to the show as Bechdel herself did.

The lecture moved lineally through her life as she consistently related her experiences back to drawing and writing. Bechdel brought her first attempts at drawing, which were projected behind her as she began describing her childhood.  These projections bared a side of Bechdel that a majority of the packed theater had not seen. She did show panels from Fun Home and Are You My Mother?, her two renowned memoirs, but included cartoons from Dykes to Watch Out For as well as life-size drawings between the end of writing Fun Home and its’ publication.

These childhood memories that she shared with the audience established an intimacy that I’ve rarely felt with a writer, let alone in a lecture. The drawings of a train, a complication with a man’s ticket, and the ensuing chase scene were incredibly simple and represented the time in which Bechdel’s drawing process was free-flowing and spontaneous.

In addition to the drawings, she shared the daily diary entries that evolved into a “practice of OCD,” as she put it. She began to write “I think” between words, which expressed simple tasks throughout the day, due to a doubt in the truth value. Eventually, these entries developed into scribbles to an indecipherable point. She expressed how these entries lead into the complication of her drawing process as a whole; the exact opposite of a spontaneous child.

Not only did Bechdel share moments of her life, the good and the bad, but she expressed how she persevered through depression. She touched on the idea of therapy as the catalyst for emotions. It wasn’t until her first session in which the therapist asks Bechdel if she’s mad about her father’s suicide. She says no immediately but then ponders. Ultimately, she considered the idea of feeling emotions fully.

The life-size drawings mentioned above were a method through which to feel.  They carried her through a break-up, her mother’s cancer, and the death of her cat, but not necessarily as a coping mechanism. She described them as drawings that utilized her full body, instead of her wrist and hand in comics, but also her full emotional capacity.

More than likely the lesser known of her works in a young audience is Dykes to Watch Out For, a series of comics displaying lesbians in a queer subculture. This comic strip for feminist media, prior to Fun Home and Are You My Mother?, expresses the opposite of the position in which Bechdel is situated by the media and the general public.

Bechdel discussed her time writing Dykes to Watch Out For. She had a menial temp job in New York and published these lesbian comics. Not just lesbian comics, but lesbian comics during a time when it wasn’t okay to be gay, illegal in fact. Her comics, published under her name, while being publicly “out” as a lesbian, was a political act in itself. She was at the center of the subculture.

This queer subculture is strange to consider now.

I attended the Q&A session just before her lecture. The same question was repeated, which was asked in several interviews as well: What do you think about being a part of the mainstream?

This question is referring to The Bechdel test and its immense popularity. I mentioned my attendance at the lecture to acquaintances and a majority asked if she designed that test, which Bechdel actually shyly denies. I refer to this phenomena because Bechdel has a myriad of layers that the mainstream is ignorant to. Her familial history is relatable, as much as it is unfortunate, but was formative for the woman that stood before us. I believe it’s important to consider Bechdel’s talent and accomplishments other than a test that might have originated from Virginia Woolf anyway.

If you are interested in all things Alison Bechdel, please click here to be directed to her website where you will find comic strips, information about books, news, reviews, and more.

Check out more events during Mission Creek here.

Photo cred for featured image: missionfreak.com

The post Mission Creek: Alison Bechdel @ The Englert 4/5/16 appeared first on KRUI Radio.

What is “Holiday Hounding” you ask? Maybe we should begin with that. Holiday Hounding is a little term I made up (or maybe it already exists, who knows? Not me, obviously) to describe the bombardment of the questions you really don’t want to answer while attempting to reach food-coma paradise and pretending your responsibilities don’t exist.

(I really wanted to see how many Nick Miller quotes I could fit into this.)

I don’t know about the rest of you, but the only questions I like to be asked while at home for the holidays are:

1. What television series should we binge watch next? (New Girl. Yes, again.)
2. Can the cat sleep in your room? (Yes, I’ve kept her hostage with my love all day anyways.)
3. Do you seriously want more pumpkin bread? (How dare you disrespect me like that. YES OF COURSE I WANT MORE PUMPKIN BREAD.)

As most college students know, the most emotionally crippling exam questions don’t happen during midterms and finals; they happen when your family decides to turn the dinnertime conversation towards the current events of your life they haven’t been privy to in the last few months. The exam is “life,” and the curve is not going to be in your favor.

With that said, I have deliberated over the best way to cheat your way through the inevitable, and I think I have come up with a solid defensive strategy to help get you through until New Year’s Eve. Just remember the 3 D’s, ladies and gentlemen: Deny, Divert, Devour.

Deny

This obvious strategy is a classic and is pretty commonly used. It’s also extremely easy to implement, literally just deny anything they throw at you that you can’t/don’t want to answer.

“How’s school going? Are you doing okay?”

“Hahaha yeah everything’s great! My stress level has been super low lately.”

Now before you read this and say “Well duh,” there are some key details you have to get right. For one, you have to be smooth about it. Do NOT answer too quickly, just ease into the denial. Remember, they can sense fear. The second challenge to this is that, like I mentioned, this is the oldest trick when it comes to interrogations and therefore easy to spot. That means if you’re going to rely solely on the denial tactic, you better start practicing your responses in the mirror, learn how to monitor your heart rate, and perfect your poker face. You have to really commit.

On its own, the Deny strategy is pretty weak, but paired with other tactics it can be a helpful tool. Which brings us to our next point.

Divert

This is another dodging tactic, but instead of taking the full blow yourself, as with the deny strategy, you can divert that force onto someone else, allowing you to slip away and recede back towards your quiet corner.

Example:

“So, you have any boys in your life these days?”

“Hahaha no, grandma. It’s been like three years now, you start sensing a pattern…BUT did you know Jake said the F word for the first time the other day? I know, so scandalous! He’s almost 15 so it’s about time right?!”

Thus grandma would then be sufficiently shocked; thoughts about your relationship life completely slipping her mind as she goes to hound said little brother instead about his new-found potty mouth. (Sorry, Jake.)

The key detail to make sure this tactic works is that the diversion you bring up has to be highly more attention grabbing that the current question being posed to you. Start your research early, get to know the family gossip ahead of time so you are prepared for any level of question that might come at you.

The third and final tactic is a last resort, “Sugar, we’re going down” kind of defense. If denial and diversions are not working in your favor and you feel the end closing in there is one last thing you can do.

Devour

Literally shove whatever food you have closest to into your mouth. All of it, as much as you can fit. DISCLAIMER: DO NOT CHOKE. That would be tragic. (Although choking effects would be extra convincing.)

Having a fistful of cranberry sauce in your mouth should effectively slow down any questioner, if not, instill a little bit of fear in their soul. This strategy is probably the single most effective in avoiding questions because you literally cannot answer, but due to the choking hazard it should definitely be left as a last resort.

So, that about sums up your new game plan for the holidays. Take some notes, start practicing now, really commit and have holiday cookies delivered to get through the holidays unscathed. Just remember the 3 D’s: Deny, Divert, and Devour.

Happy Holidays everyone. Best of luck.

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